Monday, January 24, 2011


Day 1: I feel cold, shivers are rolling across my body. I can feel my mind ticking over, my mind keeps changing, it isn't sure how to comprehend the situation to minimise the devastation. But there is a feeling of unease it the pit of my stomach, I'm sad, so very sad and my mind, despite it's best efforts, knows it cannot win.

The blood flows,
My world spins and the troubles go.
I awake upon the hard floor,
but nothing has changed.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Out of contact

I Can't stand this, I can't tolerate sitting here flicking through everything that could possibly be wrong. This is the ONLY thing I need, some semblance of stability. I need to know you are where you say you are, you will be where you say you will be and that I can reach you if the need arises. I don't understand why that is so difficult or why you would expect trust without it. It is not a big ask.

The current territory is too familiar, I've been here before and it is tearing me up. TEARING me up so that I can't think of anything else; sleep. eat. clean. panic. I wonder do you even realise you are doing this to me? and I don't think you do. It seems logical that if you both knew and cared about this then THIS wouldn't be happening. Which leaves me questioning whether this entire thing is...right. Though all my heart and mind wants it to be and that is why THIS hurts.

Being out of contact.